one minute we're doing the bunny hop...

...the next minute, one of my worst baby nightmares is coming true... a s@!$ storm of epic proportions, in L's happy little crib, all over him, his crib sheet, the bumper & every. single. sweet. little. stuffed animal he was playing with. i'm traumatized. shell shocked. scarred.

this is kinda how my days go now, it's like they're bipolar—with HIGH highs and LOW lows.

la la la singing & dancing at kindermusik to nightmarish bowel movements.

i handled it like so,

fully clothed baby transported to shower and stripped down.

naked baby transported to full size tub and wiped down.

poop-free baby transported to happy fun baby tub with suds and toys in effort to pretend none of this happened.

he? smiling entire time.

me? freaking the EFF out.

next up, clean baby wrapped in towel and transported to changing table for diaper and t-shirt, then swiftly deposited in pack-n-play.

while i...

scrubbed down shower.

soaked soiled onesie i love & refuse to part with.

retrieved all inanimate victims of explosive diaper massacre from crib and shoved in washing machine. all at once. (please oh please don't let that bite me in the ass.)

fetched now crying baby.

fed crying baby to sleep.

am still holding now sleeping baby and typing this entire post with my left hand.

mommyhood isn't for the weak.

ah! my #SAHM life, a hellacious comedy at times.

sarah christoph @sunlovey

Wondering why so many days of my #SAHM life are hellacious comedies. Note: comedies once retold, not during. #FML

(above was tweeted earlier today)

Let's see, I began my day with a clogged milk duct. Ouch x10,000,000. Attempted to remedy in shower (bag of marbles massage) & with baby (keep eating, L!). Nope, still painful and rock hard.

Off to story time in posh palm beach, 25 minute drive. No problem. Get there. Get baby in sling. Get to door of society of the four arts, see sign that says "no story time today - presidents day". Great.

Turn around to go back to car, run into another mommy I've me in my new baby-centric circles. She suggests we walk along intracoastal since we both drove so far to get there. Cool. Let me get my stroller. Transfer L from sling to stroller and off we go.

L hates stroller five minutes in. Wish i'd kept him in sling. Too late. Carrying 20 lbs baby and pushing stroller. P.S. its hot out. Fun. Walk is good despite. Get to vent with fellow nursing and anti-cry it out mommy.

Get back to car and spend a good 7 minutes getting all my sh!t back in car. Then decide to hit michaels on my way home since its close and baby seems in good spirits.

Park near a rogue shopping cart, set up said cart with shopping cart cover. It then rolls away as I turn to get baby out. Chase it down with baby on hip. Get baby in cart despite challenge of parking on semi-hill.

Inside... baby happy, fun stuff to look at everywhere. For like 8 minutes. Then baby screaming. Not typical of baby in a fun store. Should have known something was up. Picked him up & carried him through store and check out, then noticed a dreadful moisture on my shirt and hand, nope, not pee. And it's everywhere.

Awesome. My shirt is covered, as is his onesie. Get back to car, get stuff in car (purse, shopping cart cover, purchases, etc.) all whilst rubbing liquid poop into my shirt and his onesie even further. Then, rip off baby's onesie and my shirt. (Had tank on underneath. Don't fret.)

Baby screaming. Clean up and change baby, then feed baby in backseat to calm baby. Oh & duct situation still killing me. Head home for part 2 of this super fun Monday. Baby slept entire ride, which will likely jack up my efforts at a scheduled afternoon nap.

Yay! & happy monday to you, too.

#grrr