the conversation below, occurring on facebook is so fundamental to being a parent of a baby. and especially, a 1st time parent. a naive newbie.
i am on the verge of a breakdown at least once a week. i wonder if the cry it out, schedule your baby parents are too? i can't be a cry it out schedule your baby parent, at least not yet, because -I MYSELF- can't adhere to a strict schedule and i would never let ANYONE cry it out. i don't judge those of you that do this, i just can't.
if a friend or family member or even a stranger was bawling their eyes out hard, on end, right in front of me, i would not COULD NOT just let it happen. instinctually i would have to hug and comfort them. now... how the HECK could i not do the same for the child i carried for 41 weeks, painfully gave birth to, and fell hardcore in love with the day we "met"?
whether it's good for the baby in the long run or not, i can't do it.
right now, L is asleep in his swing, he has been for like an hour. this is not a constant thing i can count on. it happens probably three times a week out of all seven days.
when it does happen i have no bloody idea how long said nap will last so i run around like a crazy person tackling this and that.
i'm thinking "what should i try to tackle 1st?" as previously blogged, i realize this is drink, eat, pee. ;-) but after that? i'm thinking "nothing too loud". i'm thinking what can be left to fall apart longer? i'm thinking man, oh man i just want to write/type with two hands right now!!!!! which is exactly what i'm doing. i'm 100% right brained, that's the creative side right? and with that fact comes very little practicality.
i am also doing alllllllllllllll of this on my own from day one, no mom to advise or provide hands on help. i have received a plethora of advice, from veteran friends, books, magazine articles. i have even had dear dear friends stop by or stay over when the german was out of town for weeks at a time. but guess what? -and NO OFFENSE- ALL of you conflict. some of you advise with your heart while others advise with your head.
i hear both of you, and i try to take something from both of you. but in the end, that creates one big CLUSTER EFF in my already whirling exausted right-brained mind. i do just have to wonder, if mommies & daddies that condition their young babies lose their mind on a regular basis too?
i am so blessed to have a beautiful, healthy mostly good baby boy. i am beyond lucky to be a SAHM (stay at home mom). i look into L's amazing eyes daily and feel my heart smile so big, get so warm, throb with love. do NOT get me wrong, i would never ever trade this experience, but holy HELL is it hard to navigate. dear confused & naive newbies to come, i will be here for you to vent to when you find yourself in my very shoes. below a "conversation" on facebook that exhibits this conflicted state i find myself in. name has been changed to protect the innocent. ;-)
(p.s. if i do resort to cry it out one day, address me about that if you so wish. i am perfectly capable of flipflopping some day. who the heck knows?)
- ENVISION A PHOTO OF VERY YOUNG BABY CRYING HARD -
- john doe-hahaha! Our first baby screamed all night, every night for the first two weeks. The first two nights neither one of us got a lick of sleep. She would cry and we'd try everything under the sun. Finally, my mom suggested we let her "cry it out" for about 10 minutes and see what happens. Right at 10 minutes she tuckered out and fell asleep. We died laughing. She had to cry for a good 10-20 before ever falling asleep. Of course other times she cried for an hour or two and we had to tend to that.33 minutes ago ·
- john doe-Oops wasn't finished...if your little one is fussing a lot, you will eventually figure out what works. We finally forced a routine with each one and that actually made the babies happy. A little counterintuitive. It helped us know what cry was for what need. All I know is that kids don't really behave like that when they are, say, 14, so it WILL stop. :) I saw someone had mentioned a book, "On becoming babywise." Someone else mentioned you would hate it. I agree you might hate it, because you are a free spirit and the book comes across as "baby lockdown." But it is worth reading to kind of see what a schedule might look like. You can be a little less militant than the book prescribes and tailor it to suit your own instincts. That's what we did and found it helpful. Good thing is that your love for that little guy will far outweight the many frustrations you encounter early on. I am starting to freak myself out with my Dr. Phil talk. Time to go.25 minutes ago ·
- Sarah Beth Christoph appreciate the thoughtful reply. truly. sooo many have been successful w/ such an approach... lucky ducks! this baby does not abide by that sort of conditioning. more than once he's melted down nonstop for a 45 minute stretch w/ no lulls and no sign of relenting. and i get it, he's determined and expressive. ;-) i've concluded that he's one of those high needs/high alert babies. and find dr sears' approach more up my alley. so perhaps i'm shooting myself in the foot. who knows, but a 10 minute cry then zzz is not my kid, no way. he's pretty good to me at night tho. 5, 6, 7 & even 8 hour stretches of sleep since 2 weeks. but, inconsistent. again tho, can't really blame him. it's nature AND nurture. this makes a great blog post and correlates w/ a lot i've been reading as of late, thanks! ;-)
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Charley is/was the same. Dr Sears ALL THE WAY Sarah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt all changes. Weekly, monthly...it will get better, then worse, then better again. Do what your heart says. Not anyone else. Not even the books (sorta). I was a flipping maniac on every website, reading every book...and in the end, I realized that I knew best, and so do you. Love you!
I'll never forget the day that I sat on the floor crying like a baby (probably harder than Mr. P ever did) because I didn't know what to do because I was reading books that totally conflicted with each other and I was so confused. I was reading "On Becoming Babywise" and "The Happiest Baby on the Block"- they couldn't have been more opposite- one said to rock the baby to sleep and coddle it, and the other said to put the baby on a schedule and no rocking to sleep. I was so sleep deprived, kept getting sick, etc... that I just couldn't think anymore. I finally threw away the "happiest baby on the block" mainly because I couldn't figure out how to rock the baby and shish him at the same time- it just never worked for Mr. P- even after I watched the video so many times. Plus, I had heard from so many other friends that the scheduling of Babywise works out so well in the long run even though it's so so so so much harder. You honestly just have to do what keeps you sane at the moment because you can't take care of a baby if you're not sane, so just do what you feel works for you and baby L:-)
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