on a whim i ordered this fabulousness from an etsy crafter that hailed from across the pond & am so over the moon happy i did. obviously she makes these adorable little fabric star name signs to order. i told her to please go crazy and mix patterns, colors etc. and SURPRISE! me. she did. i love it. want one? find her heartfelt handmade creations here.

Free t4b msg: Your baby can feel you dance & can hear lots of sounds. So play some music & have some fun together! This message was sent from a T-Mobile wireless phone. <-----this baby advice text made me soooo thrilled. because isn't what i did ALLLLL last weekend?! #LOVE

KINDA PROUD, REALLY HAPPY.

just back from a 3-day electronic music festival.

a festival i walked 1.8 miles to & from each day from my B&B.

i saw at least 30 artists perform.

i danced nonstop & i braved porto-potties, the lines associated with porto-potties & probably the very worst part for girl in my state, the stench of porto-potties.

and here i am today so entirely stoked i went & missing being there even.

so what i'm saying is, pregnant? don't let it stop you.

LIVE.

YOU'RE TRYING HARD TO MAKE IT COOL
back in black & all. but my GOD, what a bore that outfit is.
try again, gap.

THANK YOU.

thank you from the bottom of my heart, stefaci/tictac/hermy/sassy

my tampa BFF since 7th grade sent me this absolutely perfect baby book, it's wood, and so unique and so perfect! i'm in love.

thank you again, SR!

LOVE.

umm. baby bjorn,

you make mommyhood

look hot.

rest of the world, learn from this photo.

FLITTER. FLIP. GURGLE. BUMP. WIGGLE. BUBBLE. TICKLE. THUMP.
on & on & on & on & on.
HOW FASCINATING.
L is just as overactive as his 'rents.

LOW & BEHOLD.

L is flipping and flopping daily.

feeeeeeels cool.

AND -mark my words- old navy

baby bump skinny jeans aren't half bad.

minus that freakin' WEIRD panel.

actually glad i have them in my arsenal.

;-)

c'est moi, at the beach @ just over 21 weeks.

hmmm.
i mean i appreciate you trying, ann taylor loft, i do. and appearing in my email as a banner ad is wise. but, well, this is not quite my idea of amazing.
yours?
click here.

MAMMUT

when we began the quest for furniture for L's room i found myself irritable and bummed, much like scouting out baby bump clothes, i found baby room furniture a grave disappointment. dark wood everywhere, so grown-up, so un-fun. then, for some odd reason i went on Ikea's website. have never ever bought a single thing at Ikea, 'til now. meet mammut... or, the 1st piece the german crafted from the mammut collection. many more bright, childlike pieces to come...

I GOT A NEW BOAT.

err, OK, liam did.

someone in this family should have one.

by smart gear toys.

;-)

CLOUD B

CATE & LEVI
because the poor kid needs something to play with.
you can be dressed well, but still bored to death.
p.s. the lamb makes human heartbeat sounds, whale sounds,
rain sounds & ocean waves sounds.
just might be borrowing this from liam too.
;-)

WHAT LIES BENEATH

EEEEEEK!!!!

am tell you. the bump is a mysterious thing. this time i happened to catch "it" when it looked most shocking. ha ha ha. wondering when it will just stays huge. instead of ebbing and flowing in size.

SHUT UP. THESE ARE RIDICULOUSLY CUTE.

(and somehow i've resisted buying them, give me a medal)

KEEP ON MOVING DON'T STOP

everything i've read has said "you're NOT eating for two" (you should really only be intaking like 300 extra calories per day when expecting) and "keep the hell exercising" in so many words. also, that exercise makes labor quicker, easier, less painful (pipe dream?). and furthermore, helps you return to at least a semblance of who you were before, physically. so you better believe my bum's hitting the treadmill in the realm of three times a week. i feel good, as a result, ha! as good as one can with like a gazillion little prescription drug-like side effects. ;-) point is though, thus far, my energy level has remained quite amazing. & i am glad i'm working out on the regular and being conscious, for the most part, of what eat. wouldn't do this any other way.

AN OFFICE SUPPLY SAVES THE DAY.
currently, a binder clip is holding my pants closed.
silly me. pulled on a pair of regular cargos today and
felt all happy that they zipped & buttoned, then i sat down
in my car to drive to work and realized
they. weren't. working. at. all.
was running too late to go back in & change, so, a binder clip
is keeping things together at the moment.
not my finest hour...

...did order my 1st couple pairs of -eeeeeek- "knocked up" pants this morning.
i feel better about doing that online after sunday's debacle.

HELLO OUT THERE! HELLO IN THERE!
So L's been reaching out to the outside world in the last couple weeks. At first I dismissed what I was feeling as digestion, but lately, when I'm super still (which is oh so rare) little Liam makes himself known. I like to think he's dancing & perfecting his swimming techniques, but maybe he's just saying "Helllloooo out there!"
I've also learned that as of late, he's hearing more from the outside too, sooooo... when I'm in my car & one of my fave songs comes on, I turn it up LOUD, to make sure he can hear it. (just THINK of all the fantastic sound he's going to hear next weekend @ Ultra Music Festival!)
The German says "Hello Liam!" and "Goodnight Liam!" to him quite often, speaking directly to my stomach.
So yeah, there's some communication going on these days.
Oh & of course his wardrobe is growing by the week.

I'M NOT GOING DOWN

WITHOUT A FIGHT

screw you, girl at that lame maternity shop. what a cluster@#$% of junk you repeatedly told me was fashion forward & high end.

and yeah, you're right, i am anti-maternity wear. look around you, it blows. yes, i know you have true religion jeans. but guess what? am not blowing $200 on jeans i don't plan to wear longer than four months. i curse you for telling me i'll still need maternity jeans for some time after L gets here. thanks for lighting a renewed fire under my @$$, inspiring me to make certain that won't be the case.

so off to anthropologie i trotted, where i scored this flowy, heavenly little peplum-hem posey top, that will work just as well. grrr.

i'm spoka.

and technically i belong to the future

mr. liam christoph beyer

and yet,

his mom seems to be growing extremely fond of me

and might actually keep me for herself.

would that be so terrible?

do know, i glow & change into fabulous shades of

blue, green, aqua...

she really can't help it.

Liam's room = sorted.

minus a changing table/station situation.

perhaps that is subconsciously intentional.

just know, this kid's going to have cool dreams & so much fun

in his very blue, very spacey, moony and starry surroundings.

stay tuned for progress reports & photos...

it began with a bag.

a perfect bag.

with the most adorable little dimensional teddy bear

surrounded by stars.

j'adore the package just as much as the gift sometimes...

but when i peered inside the bag, look what i found?

little liam is simply going to rock.

thank you, SO MUCH, dear friends that get it.

in this case, carrie.

much love.

THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
NAKED RIGHT NOW.
seriously. what the heck? can someone take down the mirror in my bathroom right in front of the shower? how about the one on my closet door.
thanks.
:-)

(p.s. this is mostly tongue in cheek, mostly.)

I'M NOT ALONE.

today we did a cozy little "feel good" piece on our Boston Proper facebook page about how there MUST be something in the water at Boston Proper corporate headquarters. note, all THREE of us are bringing boys into the world. do you see what i mean?

A BIT OVER 19 WEEKS

THANK YOU FAVORITE CLOTHING BRANDS

right now i'm taking issue with A LOT of my fave clothing brands. really guys, are you seriously, essentially telling me "see ya!" for 9 1/2 months? "you've been a crazy valuable customer for years and years but while you're in your most vulnerable state, we're ditching you, see you after you have your baby, if you get your body back to how it was!" WOW. thanks.

maternity clothes ARE BORING. and the ones that aren't, i'm talking to you True Religion, Seven for all Mankind, Citizens of Humanity, Paige, etc. thanks so much for offering killer jeans i'll be able to wear for a short 4 months at a mere cost of $200.

brands that DO offer maternity lines (and boy, there aren't many) were brands i was bored by pre-pregnancy. their maternity offerings are eh. meh. nah. no thanks.

woe is me.

just another thing to figure out on this wild adventure.

;-)

I HAVE A

COUPLE

QUESTIONS

who the HELL am i?

who IS this person?

what's with this body?

with all the weirdness going on within it?

will i ever see the body i was used to again?

is it possible to OD on lotion?

what's that smell?

why can't i sleep on my stomach?

why can't i cross my legs or sit on one leg or sit cross-legged anymore?

no seriously, WHAT is that smell?

what am i supposed to wear?

why are you staring at my stomach?

why are you staring at my chest?

what's with none of my bras fitting, speaking of which?

why won't my nose stop bleeding?

why did i SPIT blood earlier this evening?

why won't the wooshing in my brain STOP?

when will i go an entire night without hitting the loo 3 times?

shall i go on?...

i updated my facebook status to SWOOSH THROB SWOOSH THROB SWOOSH THROB earlier because kids, am hearing that in my head A LOT the last few weeks. today, at my regular OB/GYN appointment as the dr. was listening to little liam's heart beat i said to her "THERE! THAT! am hearing that in my head constantly" she looked at me with a look that said "oh yeah!" i had nailed the comparison & she told me to have my way with tylenol. extra strength even, if i wanted it. i love hearing liam's heart beat but NOT in my bloody brain.

she also confirmed the mysterious constellation of purple dots on my calf are in fact broken blood vessels & they may or may not go away, may or may not get worse. so guess who's TRYING to sit here right now with my stupid legs propped up in hopes that that may or may not help. dear little liam, you are going to hear about this when you're older.

FEAR OF GOD.
so, the other day the specialist that let me know L was a Liam said to me towards the end of the appointment, "there IS one thing i'd like you to do differently going forward." then pointed at my shoes. "NO WAY." was my knee jerk answer. he almost laughed (this guy is really serious) then went on to tell me he had a 'miami house wives' type patient in a few days earlier in 6" louboutins AT 34 WEEKS PREGNANT. my turn to laugh "and you're talking to me about my mere 3 inchers?!"
fast forward to this morning, weird purple polka dots on my calf. i ask a coworker "what in the world do you think this is?" she suggests broken blood vessels!? i search this online and it does seem to be common & am wondering if it's due to heels or the way i sit like a bloody pretzel at my desk everyday and i've felt the fear of GOD in me all day that it's the former. (have refrained from sitting pretzel style too).
nevertheless i really wanted some floral print wedges for spring/summer.
FOUND.
they're wedges, which... well... means they're not really heels, right?

GRRRing GALORE
i can't take it. sequin leggings, skirts & dresses for wee girls in my inbox from haute look.

CANDID CONVERSATIONS & MASSIVE THOUGHTS
had quite the candid discussion last night with my old college roomie, now on her 2nd pregnancy, having her 2nd boy. i set out on a long evening walk with my dog, lily, in tow & gingerly dialed her up. she'd recently texted me some graphic details of her current physical state at 34 weeks knocked up. i'm not even going hint at what she told me, but put it this way. this girl knows how to shock the hell out of me. and she loves it. oh the horror stories to come. of course i got myself into this, and in all things, one must take the bad with the good.
but, as i was walking down the hall at work to my desk (returning from the loo for the thousandth time today) it dawned on me that i feel like i'm embarking on a trip in 4 and a half months, no, scratch that, i'm flat out moving far far away to a different world in 4 and a half months. and my actual journey there, is crazy scary. unimaginably so. and then, once i arrive, i have not the foggiest little clue what to expect. and i'm going to stay there for the rest of my life. no return. HOLY. MAJOR.

p.s. i've decided liam is going to be into astronomy, soccer, guitar & drums. controlling parent that i am already...

I CAN NOT BELIEVE THE SIZE OF MY STUPID STOMACH.

(that is all.)

TRUTH BE TOLD
i whimpered on end yesterday after my dr. appointment. i didn't see that coming. and by that, i mean L being a boy OR my reaction to L being a boy. trust, i've got nothing against boys but apparently my heart truly fully wanted and believed L was a girl. so, instead of shopping for frilly, glittery baby attire all day, i went home and cried. and cried. i think it really comes down to wanting a little mini-me to to plan fairy parties for, to play dress up with, to crown with sparkling tiaras & fluffy tutus, to SHOP FOR. shopping for boys = NOT SO FUN. and what will HE want to play with? there are so many "boy" things i dislike so very much, i.e. toy GUNS and football. and i don't adore the idea of being peed upon on the regular either. so. WOW, yeah. i'm adjusting. and dreaming up new visions for this little being with long legs and active, flailing arms. the ultrasound tech did say to tell HIM thank you for cooperating so nicely yesterday for all his measurements. and i keep thinking he can be a sweet little sensitive boy that loves music like i do. and i'd be thrilled if he wanted to play soccer/futbol as that's one of the only sports i can bear to spectate. and i'll bust my ass finding him cool things to wear. it's a challenge i'm up to. so i went to my happy place (target) & got little Liam an ACDC onesie (definitely more for his father, not my cup of tea) and a Paul Frank tee. for the next several days or even weeks & months i'm going to avoid looking at flash sales that involve girl's baby clothes. it just pisses me off. and, i'll continue to dream about what Liam will be like, what he'll be into, what he'll teach me...

me @ 19 weeks.