Thursday, October 13, 2011

defining myself.
WOW. where do i begin? i have never been one to consider my work or career what made me, me. i have LOVED LOVED LOVED the fact that life handed me the opportunity to write for a living. and not only pay the bills by writing, but by writing about fashion. for the last almost 12years i was blessed. big time. day in day out clothes and trends and collections and style filled up my mondays through fridays, that's love, kids. but then there was liam. not me being pregnant with liam. but him actually being here, that made me see that my passion for fashion and having the funds to partake of all things wearable on an all to regular basis fade out to a degree i didn't think possible. HE was LOVE. real, tangible, overflowing, infinite love.

being liam's mom is utter madness. it. is. the hardest. effing. thing. ever. yes, yes, everybody says that. they all do. and if you know me, get me, you know hard just isn't one of my strengths. i want little part in it. i dig effortless. i love when things come naturally and they just work. holy hell. NOT the case with this. and yet, i have never tried so hard. never been so selfless. never sacrificed so much. and all of this without
a second thought. there are moments i want to freak the EFF out and i am (freaking out hard) internally. but they pass, they have to. and L helps them pass, just by smiling. babbling. kicking his feet to the tune of his mobile. i am a head over heels smitten mommy. and i am that before i am a fashion writer. suddenly and very clearly. and with that said, i've made the massive decision to leave my fab job to be with baby L. which goesback to me, defining myself. redefining, realigning.
it's a bold new world and i'm navigating it without a clue, stumbling, growing, crying, teaching, laughing, sweating and brimming with a brilliant newfound pride. i am liam's mom. i am still and forever a writer. i am figuring this all out. onward...

p.s. i'm still involved with fashion. baby boy fashion. and today, after madly digging through all his duds, L & i realized we were over his present wardrobe, wishing we could go shopping... ;-) trust, i know he'll be growing into the next size ANY second now.

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