"i love you... well...obviously."

i just said to L, when he looked up from eating, for the 1000th hour in a row, "i love you... well...obviously." he smiled a knowing smile well beyond his 12 weeks of life. he's a wunder kid. to me at least & of course. every little milestone he reaches feels like olympic gold. it's nuts.

what. a. roller coaster these 1st twelve weeks have been. so much so that i try my damnedest to capture as many little tidbits as i can. i often send myself text messages from my dark room just after putting L down for the night. i write to liam in these texts. anecdotes. observations. professions of frustration & love. i want to remember everything! lately, i've gotten tears in my eyes upon putting him in bed at night. because the days are long, but time is flying. and he is growing. changing. way too bloody fast.

ha! and yet, there IS a flip side! oh yes! i keep thinking about a quote from a movie i haven't seen yet. something about babies being like little drug addicts. ah, i found it:

"Having children, it's like... living with little mini drug addicts. Y'know, they're laughing one minute, and then they're crying the next, and then they're trying to kill themselves in your bathroom for no good reason. They're very mean and selfish; they burn through your money..."

L has the laughing to crying in no time flat thing down far too well. that lower lip shoots out, he takes a scary deep breath that hints at what's coming, then shouts to the high heavens whilst turning tomato red just as quickly. a tiny instant after smiling huge & cooing. WHAT a personality.

he has broken me into motherhood with a lot of chaos & joy. he has presented me with the utmost difficult task, that at the same time is the most beautiful. every little noise, gesture, movement and facial expression thus far has provided me with unprecedented awe. this love is an enigma. a fabulous enigma.

12 weeks later i have a new boss, a new bff, a new ball & chain, a new reason to rise and shine, a new little comedian, a new reason to shop, a new nap-less counterpart, a new utter and absolute joy of my life. trust me, every single day is a strange new challenge, and i've never ever been so up for it.

i love you so, crazy boy, beautiful little monster, fun little angel baby, you fascinate and enthrall me. happy 12 weeks old!