4+ = WTH?
am a little -no a lot- terrified when i see commercials for diapers for kids 4 and up.

4 and up????

is this for real?

I got this info from familydoctor.org:

When should I start toilet training my child?

Signs that your child is ready include the following:

• Your child signals that his or her diaper is wet or soiled.
• Your child seems interested in the potty chair or toilet.
• Your child says that he or she would like to go to the potty.
• Your child understands and follows basic instructions.
• Your child feels uncomfortable if his or her diaper is wet or soiled.
• Your child stays dry for periods of 2 hours or longer during the day.
• Your child wakes up from naps with a dry diaper.
• Your child can pull his or her pants down and then up again.

You may start noticing these signs when your child is 18 to 24 months of age. However, it is not uncommon for a child to still be in diapers at 2 and a half to 3 years of age... read more here.

talk to me, people. what have your experiences been with potty training? boy vs. girl? what age? what were some of the hurdles? how did you make it stick?

( yes, i KNOW i haven't even HAD liam yet but as an insomniac, you'll continue find me thinking WAAAAY ahead. hopefully in THIS case not TOO TOO far ahead. ;-) )

taken today, monday may 30th,
just over 31 weeks.

i climbed several flights of wooden stairs this a.m. to get this 40' view. then later, got drenched by rain on a beach walk. i live for the day i can share such experiences with Liam.

brunch buffets & bumps

don't mingle so well

a girl wants to indulge in all the delights of such an affair but between her organs and the 7 3/4 month fetus inside her, there's simply not room. i tried my damnedest to pace myself, get up and walk around a bit, eat small bites, but there's simply no more room in there. woe is me. will be nice to have my insides back. oh the decadence i'll bask in...

i think everyone with a bump should live at the beach.

walking along the atlantic ocean i feel super blessed.

fresh air, crashing waves, soft sand beneath my feet.

and i know baby L can hear the sounds of the sea.

this is the coolest thought to me.

hope you're all having a beautiful memorial weekend.

IT SHIPPED! IT SHIPPED! IT SHIPPED! IT SHIPPED!
am going to LIVE in this thing.
in the middle of the night.
YAY.
;-)

today i'm 31 weeks.
WOW.
today i'm not entirely thrilled i gained another 3 lbs.
there's a certain number in my head, that if i creep up to, i'll need a straight jacket.
i'm healthy, baby is healthy. all that is important. i know i know i know.
but the scale is my bloody nemesis.
my other bloody nemesis, a greater one, by leaps & bounds?
my dear dear mom's poor luck when it comes to health.
as if she didn't have ENOUGH on her plate battling the utterly B.S. disease that is ALS,
she's been in the hospital now, for a week dealing with gall stones and two gall bladder related surgeries that have been so hard on her. as anyone can imagine, this weighs extremely hard on me. if you're a pray-er. please pray for her. whatEVER it is you do, to lift a person up, please do it!
i thank you from the bottom of my heart.
in other fun new symptom news... the second my stomach nears hunger i get heartburn! and must, like a bat out of hell, find something snacky to pop in my mouth. this should work wonders where the scale is concerned. grrr.
CONVERSELY, having met with my other ob/gyn doctor yesterday, i've been given the green light to KEEP WORKING OUT. nothing crazy of course, but staying active, as i've been born to do, is GOOD GOOD GOOD and encouraged. post-appointment last night, the german and i took a nice long beach walk. i don't putz down the shore either. i MOVE. and it feels GOOD. and i am SO HAPPY this is encouraged. as are my ipod-blasting treadmill walks. YAY. she also said i've had such an unremarkable pregnancy, which, in this case, is awesome to hear. i truly prefer remarkable in everything else, but in as far as this goes. that's good. here's hoping it stays that way!
happy long weekend to you all.

I WAS NERVOUS.

namely because my imagination is VIVID.

and going there was going to activate it.

just kept picturing myself there THAT DAY.

and how freaked out i'm going to be.

and how i have NO idea what to expect, no one really does.

Truly expected to hear women freaking out the moment we entered the maternity wing of the hospital. but all we really saw were dads. happy, exhausted, shell shocked dads. new moms must have been tucked away in their rooms with new babies. freaking out (if they're anything like me). holy surreal.

very very vocal breast feeding advocate guide told us the hospital food at THIS hospital is REALLY good. that her parents ASK to come & eat there.

my 1st question: we CAN bring in our own eats, right?

then the tour chick took us into a typical room. sure, i've been in one of these rooms prior, but not with the purpose of seeing where i myself would be soon. i hadn't taken note of the style of bed in such a room (yeah those aren't arm rests). the rolling baby bed, any of it.

and speaking of that baby bed, she seemed to think we shouldn't use it all that much while there. that we should have the baby laying on us for temperature regulation almost ALL the time. somebody is going to be CRABBY if that's the case. yes, yes, in love. but CRABBY.

the tour guide said they'd gone out of their way to make such rooms homey and hotel like. uh, WHAT hotel? putty walls aren't homey, lady. nor is one piece of horribly framed "art". at least there was a window. i'd die without a window.

she said on average, we'd be in the delivery room 12-15 hours at most. then, once all was totally stable, moved to a regular room in the maternity ward.

give birth the natural, horrifically scary way- you're in for 48 hours.

legitimately surgical c-section birth? 72 hours.

eeeeeek.

does that time fly by?

or will we be scratching the walls, dying to get out

and begin our new normal?

just kind of like, getting a feel for

what my bed might look like in a couple months

that's my little blind dog maggie, chilling beside the paper baby as she would a real baby.

now it's lily we have to worry about.

wonder if any of my readers have experience with bringing a baby home to a dog that has a major issue with kids?

lily = that dog. and i foresee poor little L getting nicked or chomped when he tries to play with the fluffy moving white toy staring at him. i know a lot of you would be livid. i've heard of people that have gotten rid of such dogs, but lily is going on 14 years old, and she's been tugged on to the point of tears by a feisty child a few too many times. her tolerance is nil. and i love the stuffing out of lily. so... my thoughts are, just keep them as separated as possible. and pray lily feels differently about my own little wee one. fat chance though. again, LOVE to hear your experiences. PLEASE log in & leave your comments below. in other news...

L's door is now proper labeled in plaid.

how's that for major? ;-) stay tuned for my hospital tour post, coming up tomorrow. HOLY COW.

i just bought tickets to a show
errr, make that a festival. on august 25th.
let's take a moment to do some simple math.
due date: july 29th.
festival date, as stated: august 25th.
that makes L just shy of 4 weeks old if L is
on time, as all (more than 1/2) germans
should be...
but. you. just. never. know.
does that make me certifiable? perhaps.
but world, music is my heart.
and while i KNOW my life is on the verge
of being drastically turned upside down,
i have to TRY to still be me.
to still fuel my passions.

and, well, i already need a babysitter.
for a child not yet born.
on a weekday.
self sabotage, anyone?
we'll see how this pans out...
hopefully, like 15 years from now,
teenager L is going to think his mom
was pretty cool for going to a dance music festival
super shortly after he was born.
after all, he'll know that he DID go to Ultra when
he was a 5 1/2 month old fetus.

go ahead, tell me i'm nuts.
i'm prepared.

Good Lord this makes me feel better.
Even though it's a little gross.
all told, that's 27 1/2 pounds,
what a fabulous thing to stumble upon in a mag
i haphazardly picked up at the doctor's office.
you gotta love that stored fat and fluid retention
are factored in.
those lbs have absolutely nothing to do with
chocolate chip cookies
and chocolate-covered marzipan. nope, they sure don't.
and L thanks me on the regular for gobbling up such, by
putting on a little dance in there
within minutes of me indulging.
just thought this little diagram was interesting
& worth sharing for those behind me
forced to step upon a scale & watch it climb
almost mysteriously for 40 weeks straight.
;-)

BUMP NEWS
so yeah, getting out of das auto's bucket seats is a b@#!h.
as is getting out of bed. as if that weren't hard already.
have gotten giggled at for both recently by a certain german who will remain unnamed. hmm...
i literally keep running into things WITH my stomach as my depth perception is jacked, no joke. obviously not used to having this hard tummy sticking out getting in the way of all. GOD HELP ME.
got prescribed a heavy-duty iron pill this week too, as the person within the bump has decided to soak up all the iron i intake for himself. smart kid.
but as a result, i'm dragging @$$.
i AM still working out, albeit, light cardio. nevertheless it feels great and i'll do it until i can't.
this week's food focus has been high volumes of fruit and vegetables in forms that don't bore me to death. this includes pie and frozen yogurt shakes. ;-)
a girl absolutely deserves some form of reward when she's growing a mass in her stomach already. yes, yes! a cute, cuddly mass. :-)

LIONS &

DRAGONS &

JUMPING THE GUN,

OH MY!
oh oh oh!

so yeah, surprise. surprise. i was already thinking ahead to halloween.

and quite certain i'd dress little L up as a lion.

then my friend jessica passed down this

little. whimsical. adorable. dragon costume. the lion has competition. the suspense! whatever will L wear??

bet you can't wait until october now!

;-)

tickers:
the only reason i know how pregnant i am.

when someone asks me how far along i am they must think i'm an idiot. i generally just sit there and stare back at them, unsure. if i'm online i go to this one site that tells me with these little tickers. no it's not "pregnancy brain". that concept annoys me. i've never been good at telling you how long ago something happened, what day of the month it is, etc. 40 weeks are A LOT of weeks to keep track of.
time's flying AND dragging. it's the strangest thing.
at the same time i feel so ready AND ill prepared.
& we ARE taking a tour of the hospital this sunday evening, so i kid you not, i'm proud i got that scheduled. so wish i could take a xanax before said tour. ;-) something tells me it's going to make me freak out and realize how very real all of this is... and i ABHOR hospitals.
L's punching me right now, he knows i'm loosely talking about him.
feeeeeels awesome.

i think it's safe to say,
i'm starting to feel miserable.
i suppose the timing is right, i'll be 30 weeks this friday.
sitting upright feels awkward, no, make that flat out uncomfortable, miss sitting cross-legged (formerly known as Indian style, when we weren't so PC), i miss crossing my legs. I'm utterly sick of the bathroom at both my house and place of work because i'm spending far too much time in each. the middle-of-the-night desperate dashes to the loo are growing more frequent. my ribs ache, especially in the afternoon, when i wish i could have the lower two on each side removed before HE removes them for me. and you know about that little bout with my ankle last week. i feel ridiculously rundown (which makes sense, i just learned L's sucking up all my iron) and and and... yeah, it's my blog and i'll bitch if i want to. i know. i know. i never had to hug the toilet. my nose still looks the same and so far my shoe size hasn't gone up. yeah, yeah, i've foregone a lot of the "joys" others of you have been subjected to on this 40 week journey, and i KNOW it's all for a fabulous, beautiful, darling little cause. but i want to hit fast forward.
i want to catapult myself into the next phase of fun, which a lot of you have already begun to describe to me in sometimes graphic detail. at that point, as horrid as it some of the new set of physical oddities might be, at least i'll have baby L here to enjoy.
thanks for allowing me this rant.
am going to make up for it with beautiful little shower photos, OK?

****BREAKING NEWS****

liam goes utterly WILD for constant bubbly laughter from the masses.

just saw bridesmaids & i think it's safe to say i have new internal bruises.

also that he has found new places to kick and punch me.

worry not, i am OK. not complaining per se.

in fact i'm simply fascinated that comedy got him that riled up.

& i so look forward to seeing HIM laugh. to him making ME laugh.

L is for liam.

L is for laughter.

L is for love.

HICCUPS HAPPEN
the last 24 hours haven't been my fave in this interesting little journey.
hiccups happen, and the internet and stick-to-the-script-legal-action-fearing on-call doctors are by no means helpful in such cases.

yesterday afternoon a friend and i were discussing going for pedicures together next week, i happened to look down at my toes and gasped, not at my toes in need of a nice spa treatment but at my puffed up left ankle. yep, swollen ankles during pregnancy are normal. but, one swollen ankle kind of isn't.

fortunately it's the end of the day when i notice this so i drive home sans shoes, then hit the couch the moment i reach my house and get my feet elevated. then, the online search ensues and i'm almost convinced that i'm either experiencing preeclampsia or a blood clot. neither of which sound so lovely. i scold myself for consulting the web. my mom calls, and genuinely puts me at ease, but, i decide to, just as a precaution, call my dr. and have them assure me all is well too. i tell myself this will be my ticket to a good night sleep.
YEAH. RIGHT. i have the on-call dr paged, she calls me back with an attitude right out of the gate. AND i feel like i'm talking to someone reading from a script, or an automated voice.

she repeats what i tell her verbatim, then says, "well since your doctor's office is closed my best advice is to go to the ER." "the ER?! really? i mean i'm not in pain, and my foot is normal colored, doesn't look like a balloon and i'm keeping it elevated, you don't think waiting until the morning to feel things out would be OK?" "Legally speaking, I'm telling you that since your doctor's office is closed you should go to the ER." -You said that already.- "Great OK, thanks for your help." click.

i'm not going to the ER. i keep my foot elevated for the remainder of the night. avoid sodium, stay hydrated. then go to bed, where i experience a hellacious night sleep. thanks computerized dr. foot/ankle look quite a bit better this a.m. i wear flip flops (with a wedge heel, mind you) to work. and call my REAL dr. right when i get there. her office tells me to take it easy for a couple days, drink plenty of fluids, keep it elevated when i can and call them next week if it worsens... let's hope it doesn't. being still. taking it easy. keeping my feet up. these are like death sentences to me.

it's so weird to wish that both ankles were swollen. THAT, is normal. whatever normal is... stay tuned.

hmm, when i was a kid i totally wanted deceptive wooden chocolates. and a wooden bunch of carrots even more. NOT. what the hell?
but, if i were a baby boy, i think -i might- dig the stuff below (thus, it's shipping to me in the near future). yep, am admittedly green about all this but i'd venture to guess i will appreciate having a myriad of such toys to shove in L's hands when he's inconsolable. i can hear the german now, "we don't need this stuff!" but i'm quite confident we will, so it all might as well be cute. and to better my argument, made in germany. stumbled upon HABA on zulily today.

The Boobs & Bump are Neck and Neck
and i have to say, i'm not thrilled about this fierce competition they've got going on, to be the biggest, to stand out the most. they're making a spectacle of me. and i really feel like the boobs should just give up, because we all know the bump's going to win out in the end. i'd kill to be of a culture and mindset where such cartoonish curves were warmly welcomed. but of course, and just my luck, i personally covet the long and lean silhouette. & the way in which fashion drapes upon it. damn you twiggy. kate moss. grrr. oh & p.s. i'm hungry again. which isn't helping.
;-)

WHY THE DISCONNECT?
am having a devil of a time connecting the chubby cheeked, full lipped little being in the photos and witnessed during the actual live action experience i had last thursday with the jarring kicks and punches and rolling sensations coming from within me on a regular basis.
last night i took a few moments to just stare at those strangely hued photos and i actually felt my arms go numb. a connection was beginning to form. i was starting to really connect it all. i was on the verge of tearing up. of really seeing little liam inside me, growing. but today, am back at square one. WHY?
what's my damage?
i freaking LOVE ultrasounds, but am wondering if i'm STILL seeing them as television. not processing that they are a window into my uterus.
it's kind of thrilling every time he makes a scene inside me the second i get horizontal, but again, am not connecting his little face with this.
do i make sense?
is it really going to take baby L being born for me to GET THIS?
man, i'm dense. i'm a newbie. i have issues with believing what i can't tangibly see.
whoa.

SATURDAY
MORNING
SWIRLS &
STRIPES
I can't stop crafting & creating little things for baby L. Saturday morning, as I sipped my chai I painted these swirly initials that I plan to hang on his door in a loose plaid pattern. I have to wonder if all of this stuff will eventually annoy him or if he'll actually dig it. Am sincerely hoping for a boy much like my little bro and the german, that has a sensitive side and appreciates art, music, etc. Oh & that genuinely feels bad for residing directly on top of my bladder for so many months straight. ;-)

3D
BABY L
MEET
& GREET
Last Thursday we got an opportunity to "meet" with baby L in 3D for a good 35-40 minutes. And, like his father AND mother, he was quite stubborn at 1st. I refuse to say shy, I don't believe our little monster will be shy—after all, where would he get that from? Anyway, for the 1st several minutes he covered his face. I laughed. The ultrasound tech seemed to get a little frustrated. She had me down two cups of ice water, walk around a bit, then get back on the table and see if he'd decided to quit hiding.

He yawned, stuck his tongue out, swallowed a bit of amniotic fluid then, voila, posed away as a proper christoph/beyer should. ;-)

I think he blew us a couple puckered lip kisses too, as you can see in the last photo. Am in love with his lips.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
it's so strange that on this very day, next year, i'll have an almost 10 month old little liam.

that said, today i honor my own mother. she is, and has been, a mother to MANY. for the last 35 years she has been an art teacher, loved and cherished by what? thousands? of children. she's doled out hugs, wisdom, knowledge, praise and love to student after student, after student. she is LOVE. and she IS loved. dearest mom, happy, happy mother's day. i adore you and respect you so very much. and pray for you endlessly. you are so dear. i will do all i can to be as amazing a mom as you have been to jamey & i. LOVE YOU!

THE TAKEOVER HAS BEGUN

there goes the neighborhood, my house is verging on looking like a babies r us warehouse. i am shaken, frightened, disturbed. i fought this for so very long. and yet, it's happening anyway. like a landslide, baby L, not even here yet, has unabashedly taken over.

You Have 15 minutes MAX to Drink This - All 10 lemony limey ounces? Only 15 minutes? Am a chugger for Godsake, I'll down it in 15 seconds. Done. And now I wait. Its so bloody hot in my OB/Gyn's office. Am trying to focus on writing fall headlines for work but I feel like I'm in a sauna. And L is getting his groove on in my stomach to When Doves Cry #nowplaying in this humid hell. Not complaining, probably my fave Prince song. But I digress.

Next up its pee in a cup time, for a girl that hits the loo on the half hour at minimum, sudden stage fright happens when i'm forced to go in a cup i've just written my name on. but i get it done.

then, the dreaded scale. Oh awesome, I think I now weigh more than I ever have. The walls are thin and I overhear the patient in the room next to mine exclaim "I'm gaining weight like ridiculous!" I hear you, lovey, ha, no, I really do and I feel your pain perhaps too much. to make matters even more fun, the dr. then measures the growth of my stomach.

Back in the boiler room, err, waiting room, michael jackson's playing. L's jumping and rolling about to the music (Don't stop 'til you get enough). Or the sugar, rather. Am now awaiting the absolute pleasure of giving up three vials of blood & a fun 'you have the wrong blood type' injection. YAY!

when did i become such a sissy? tattoos, piercings, i never flinched. but that shot hurt like a b!@#$. this doesn't bode well for what's going down in a couple months. i need to toughen up. fast.

i get the HECK out of there the second i can, and with my proverbial tail between my legs, bolt to starbucks. this little girl needs a post-doctor-visit-with-shots-and-bloodwork treat. girl at starbucks drive-thru sees my double-band aided arm and frowns. i milk it a bit. then drive away with my chai. one appointment down, one more to go late this afternoon.

back to writing headlines...

L's Room Revisited.
OMG, already getting messy!
i vow to be organized.
somehow.
just thought you might like to see more photos of it as it takes shape.
gains fabulous contributions from people that love him already...

Oh & happy mother's day, mommies out there! each day i'm gaining more & more appreciation/understanding/ respect for you guys!
♥

Crafting LOVE for baby L...

at my most recent shower, when asked, i begged "please! no games!" and rushed to come up with an alternative activity for all the guests to participate in. ding ding ding! a collective scrapbook, with individually crafted pages from all who attended, featuring heartfelt messages for Liam. the end result was so amazing. and it seems everyone had a killer time making their page, not a single arm had to be twisted! each page has been slid in its own sleeve & the book now resides in Liam's room. someday it will be so special to share each charming design and loving message with liam. because he IS going to be a sensitive boy that appreciates such things...
did i mention how much i ADORE my friends?